spiritual warfare

Fall Conference was such a blessing, and provided answers to some of my most burdensome prayers. Hallelujah, Jehovah Rophi! He broke people’s hardened hearts and didn’t stop there, but healed the broken souls with His unbelievable faithfulness. I, of course, was one of those broken souls as well. A couple weeks ago, I felt the love Christ had for His Church. This time, I felt the love Christ had for each individual child of His. And I shed tears of JOY, of THANKS, for the first time ever, while watching my fellow Koinonians being HONEST in front of God. And God did it all, without any help from me. No matter how much I care for them, no matter how much I love them – it doesn’t REALLY matter, because God LOVES THEM INFINITELY MORE THAN I EVER COULD. All they need is Him. Not me. JUST HIM. period.

Anyways, I came back with these wonderful realizations, and a clear message from God to just LISTEN TO and OBEY Him from now on, no matter how ridonkulous His commands may be. And my heart was in the right place again – to serve Him and Him alone. It’s not just a simple spiritual high, no no… but a PERMANENT conviction of God’s provision and an instilled fervor in my soul to glorify His Name, regardless of 1. emotional disturbances, 2. difficult circumstances, and 3. spiritual opposition.

When I got back to campus, I immediately noticed the first two. I caught myself slipping back into my old emotions and prayed that I would rely on His joy instead. I saw myself getting distracted by current circumstances and I prayed that I would refocus on His Word instead. But the last one, it was so sneaky. I didn’t even notice it at first.

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I consider myself a beginner in this matter of “spiritual warfare”, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I’ve witnessed this warfare in a physical sense, when I was in middle school, and I’ve witnessed multiple demon possessions. While watching it all happen, I wasn’t scared. But I was CONFUSED because of what I saw AFTERWARD, after the so-called victory over the enemy. I didn’t see triumphant praise. I didn’t see saved souls. I didn’t see thankful hearts. I didn’t see strength. I saw even more fear. I saw equally rotten souls. I saw ungrateful hearts. I saw weakness!

Tell me, when an army returns from a successful battle and a VICTORY FROM A WAR, do they come back weak and weary, with shifty eyes and fearing that the enemy might come back? No, they come back cheering! They come back tired and wounded, but they don’t CARE because they won the war!! When the Yankees won the World Series (next time, Phillies… next time), did the fans retract back in their seats, fearing what is to come – “What if we lose the title next year?” NO, everybody went NUTS. THEY WON!

So if this “spiritual warfare” I witnessed was indeed what it was, a WAR… then why was I the only one who didn’t understand why we weren’t giving thanks, why we weren’t cheering over God’s victory, and why we were huddling in fear, afraid to turn out the lights during worship, afraid of praying too long? It just didn’t make sense… it made me conclude: “They were faking it. This wasn’t spiritual. This wasn’t anything demonic.”

I haven’t thought much about this topic since then. But when I noticed after Fall Conference, all of the enemy’s sly tactics and subtle lies and me FALLING FOR THEM… I had to take a second look at this and really meditate on what the Word says about this spiritual warfare.

Just to begin, I listened to some messages on the topic: Spiritual Warfare and Prayer and Don’t Go Back from Sonship to Slavery.

Need to turn to the Word and pray.
You know what Christianese term all this reminds me of? “Prayer Warrior”

Ephesians 6:10~20
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

His bride. His body. His Church.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. – Ephesians 5: 22~32

Over fall break, I visited Hannah
We slept. We drank tea. We overdosed on frozen yogurt.
Between it all, I also visited GMC’s EM service. They’ve been going through Exodus, talking about the miracles of God and the Israelite’s forgetfulness and faithlessness. I liked the overall message and would have been equally interested if he just stuck with that, but he started talking about (I forget why) Christ and His church.

The Church is His bride. Christ loves His Church.
For some reason, I’ve just NEVER realized how much Christ loved His Church

“Let’s say church members comes up to me and says ‘Pastor James, you’re AMAZING. I love you, you’re the best pastor ever. Your sermons are awesome and we all really want you to stick around. But your wife, Heather? Ehh… She’s not all that. Something about her… ehh’. What would I say? ‘Oh my gosh, I’m so flattered! Thank you?! NO. She is my wife. She is my bride. If you have a problem with her, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME.”

And my heart just broke. Because I’ve been telling God how much I hated the Church. How it needed to be fixed. How it was so pointless and ridiculous and hypocritical and retarded and stupid and hateful. Imagine how he must have felt… I felt so sorry. and I repented wholeheartedly.

Jesus, show me how to love like You.
To love Your Church, Your body, Your bride like You do.

memorizing verses

I NEVER memorize verses. I only know John 3:16 because I thought it’d be super sad if I didn’t even know that one

God has placed this on my heart, though.
I don’t know why I’m memorizing this.
But I need to, I think

Isaiah 55
Invitation to the Thirsty
1 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.”

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.

9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed.”

why blog?

I’ve been reading one of my longest-lasting blogs, the one I started right before the beginning of high school. I never realized how much heart i poured into those entries. Why don’t people do that anymore? Now blogging is mainly focused on writing about the perfect vanilla scone or about Obama’s health care plan (my GOD, give it a rest! WE KNOW! WE KNOW! WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME)

But I remember how blogging first started out – actually, it wasn’t even called blogging back then. It was “TeenOpenDiary-ing” or “Xanga-ing”. And people didn’t choose just one specific topic and started writing about it. People chose to write about EVERYTHING. EVERY topic. But they were all personal and the readers weren’t just readers. As cheesy as this sounds: they were friends.

Now I feel like most bloggers either 1) explain or 2) argue

Ever since blogging took on this new fad, I think I’ve been trying to do the same thing and failing miserably, haha.

So now, I’m just going to go back to how my generation first started blogging. We wrote about our daily lives, and tried to find the extraordinary in the mundane. To make everyday a holiday, to appreciate every moment of the present as a vital stepping stone to the future. Shouldn’t all writing be like this? People beg to differ, I know. I’m always afraid of coming off as “whiny, annoying, and self-absorbed” by taking this route. But I think the joy I feel after writing a good, delicious entry is too fulfilling for me to pass anymore.

the strange voca people

whole-hearted weeping.

I have always felt sorry for people afraid of feeling, of sentimentality, who are unable to weep with their whole heart. Because those who do not know how to weep do not know how to laugh either.

-Golda Meir

who is Golda Meir?

The Bible in 50 Words

God made, Adam bit,
Noah arked, Abraham split,
Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,
bush talked, Moses balked,
Pharaoh plagued, people walked,
sea divided, tablets guided, promise landed,
Saul freaked, David peeked,
prophets warned, Jesus born,
God walked, love talked,
anger crucified, hope died,
Love rose, Spirit flamed,
Word spread, God remained.

- an idea that’s been floating around the internet for awhile :]

amazing grace.

i blogged about this back in november 21, 2005.

Back in high school, I’m pretty sure what I thought was: “Jesus chilled with messed up people. I should be more like Jesus!” and tried to live life that way. But calm down, fool. I AM those messed up people.

i don’t like this.
i really don’t like it.
i thought it would feel foreign.
but it feels so familiar instead.
like a nightmare from last night.
you know you remember it,
but you absolutely refuse to recall it.

i don’t like this.
do i have to do it?
is it really necessary?
even if i feel THIS UNCOMFORTABLE,
THIS SELF-CONSCIOUS,
THIS SCARED,
then is it still the right thing to do?

WHAT MAKES IT “RIGHT”?
who ever said it was the right thing to do?
maybe for you.
maybe for her.
maybe for him.
but is it right for everybody?
right for me?

allergies.

my darn allergy to pollen and grass has stolen from me the JOY of eating some of nature’s tastiest products on earth. READ HERE.

It’s so hard for me to stick to a certain diet because they all entail me to eat fruits & veggies that I’m allergic to. Granted, these allergies are mild and not life-threatening. But doesn’t it suck that I’m already eating healthy foods that I have no desire eating WHILE experiencing discomfort because of my allergies? I think it sucks.

Eat it raw? nope
Eat it cooked? yup, but cooked watermelon… o.O;
Don’t eat it? [SAD FACE]

WHAT DO I DO?! so I just eat it. and suffer the immediate as well as the later consequences.

So screw you,
- apples
- bananas
- watermelon
- cantaloupe
- peaches
- plums
- pears
- mangoes
- apricots
- lettuce
- carrots
- cucumber
- tomatoes
- celery
- almonds
- pecans
- cashews

I’m gonna keep on eating you!!